


Lost for You

by Cat_stiel



Series: How to End the Apocalypse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Omega Dean Winchester, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23142178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_stiel/pseuds/Cat_stiel
Summary: A retelling/re-imagining of Season 4 from Castiel's perspective.Alpha angel Castiel is confused by his attraction to the righteous man he is sent to pull out of hell. Now he tried to ignore it as he helps Dean and Sam try to stop the apocalypse.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: How to End the Apocalypse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663543
Comments: 15
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first of a series and kinda like season four was really just set up for season five this is too. I hope that you enjoy the ride. A lot of watching season four went into writing this fic. It is going to basically follow season four pretty closely with a few changes. 
> 
> Side note: Thank god for spell check! I apparently can't spell apocalypse to save my life!

From the first time Castiel laid hands on Dean Winchester, he was lost. They were standing in hell, Castiel having been sent to rescue the 'righteous man'. Dean had a knife in his hand which he had been using on a man hung from hooks. He had stopped flaying the man when he had noticed Castiel. There were tears on his face but his expression was hard.

Castiel did not say anything as he disarmed Dean and gathered him into his arms. Dean also said nothing, just closed his eyes and let himself be carried away. Castiel put him to sleep and sped his way back out of hell.

He was surprised to see the Dean was an omega as he lay him down. Vessels were normally betas. It was so the vessel could more easily conform to the occupying angel’s subgender. He felt an attraction to Dean, as an alpha, but he put that aside knowing Dean's destiny. He was there to be a guide, nothing more.

He took care putting Dean's body back together. Dean had been mauled by hellhounds and Castiel didn't just patch him up but erased every bite and scratch. He went further and rid   
Dean's body of every scar and blemish. He eliminated every trace of disease and sickness. By the time he was done, Dean was in perfect condition. Then Castiel added a mark. He knew that Dean was destined to be Michael's vessel but he could not resist. There was something about the omega. He added his mark of claim on Dean's shoulder in the form of his handprint.

He lay Dean back down in his coffin, covered it up and stood back to watch what Dean did.

After Dean dug his way out of the ground he made his way to a closed gas station. Castiel watched as he broke into the store and found some water to drink. He smiled to himself when he saw Dean inspect his now flawless body and discover Castiel’s mark. Dean looked at it in shock and confusion but Castiel thought his mark looked very nice on the omega. 

He watched Dean steal from the store, some food, water, money and one porn magazine. Castiel wasn’t sure how he felt about that last item. It confused him how possessive he was feeling about the human. 

Castiel decided to try talking to Dean. He thought between the mark and the fact that Dean was a vessel for Michael he might be able to hear him.

It did not go well. First the tv kept going on, then the radio. It seemed to scare Dean and he tried to use salt to keep Castiel out. Then everything glass broke. Castiel was disappointed but resolved to try later. 

He watched Dean try to contact Sam then Bobby who didn’t seem to believe that it was really Dean. Finally Dean stole a car. Castiel stayed with him the whole drive and watched as Dean convinced Bobby it was really him. He was a little disappointed to watch Dean cut himself given that Castiel had just healed him. Castiel chuckled to himself when Dean got a face full of holy water. 

He would have kept watching but he got called away to report how the rescue went. Then he went to check on his vessel, Jimmy Novak, a deeply devoted man. Jimmy was a beta, as were his wife and daughter. Castiel knew that if Jimmy agreed to allow Castiel in, he would have to leave his family but that was the price to pay to save the world.

He was in the middle of presenting his case to convince Jimmy to let him in when he felt himself being called to. It wasn't quite a summons but the psychic, Pamela, who was doing the seance was quite powerful. He gave his name when she asked then told her to turn back. He admired her bravery but was sad she didn't listen to either him or Bobby. He tried to ask Dean to get her to stop but that also did nothing. As she looked at him and her eyes burned out he knew this was going to be a set back for him and Dean. 

Regretfully he left.

He spent some more time with Jimmy who was nearly ready to let Castiel use him as a vessel. Jimmy's wife, Ameilia, on the other hand, was sure Jimmy was going crazy and was threatening to leave him. Luckily for Castiel, Jimmy believed in him. Amelia could not hear Castiel's voice so he left Jimmy to the argument and went to check in on Dean.

Dean was alone in a hotel room and asleep. Castiel watched him for several minutes. He decided he liked watching Dean sleep. He looked so peaceful. He found the scent of the omega to be relaxing though he could smell an underlying tension in Dean’s scent even in his sleep.

Finally Castiel tried to talk to Dean again. He thought maybe it was working when he saw Dean open his eyes but instead the TV turned on. Dean grabbed a gun then dropped it as he had to cover his ears. The smell of scared omega filled the room. Everything glass started to break showering Dean with glass. As Castiel left he saw Bobby run into the room.

Jimmy was ready to let Castiel use him as a vessel, if Castiel promised to keep his family safe. Castiel promised and the next moment he was standing in human form. Jimmy’s daughter ran out to talk to him but Castiel informed her that he was not her father and left. He wanted to go to Dean as quickly as possible.

He flew to near where he felt Dean to be, inside an old barn. He didn't go straight to him for two reasons; first, he did not want to scare Dean, and second, he was so excited to meet Dean again that he needed a moment to compose himself.

He did not notice as the wind picked up and lightning started to flash in the sky, bringing with it thunder. He stretched his wings a couple times, squared his shoulders, and walked towards the building.

The doors opened, the wind strong enough to break the bar holding them shut. Castiel did not notice. He only had eyes for Dean.

Lights exploded with every step he took, showering him in sparks. Then it wasn't just lights exploding but Dean and Bobby shooting at him. He kept walking, the bullets doing nothing to slow him down.

When he reached Dean, he circled him slightly so that he separated Dean and Booby with Dean in front of him and Bobby behind.

"Who are you?" Dean asked.

"I am the one who gripped you tightly and raised you from perdition," Castiel responded. 

"Thanks for that," Dean said sarcastically even as he stabbed Castiel in the chest with a knife.

Castiel looked down for a moment at the knife before staring back into Dean’s eyes, pulling the knife out. He was impressed with the omega. He could smell his fear but Dean did not let that keep him from fighting.

Dean looked scared and glanced behind Castiel. Without taking his eyes from Dean, he put out a hand to stop Bobby from hitting him in the head with a pipe. He then turned and put Bobby to sleep with a touch to the forehead.

“We need to talk, Dean. Alone.”

Dean went over to check on Bobby

“Your friend's alive.” Castiel told him as he leafed though one of the books. He was hoping Dean would be able to relax in his presence. So far it did not seem to be the case. He subtly inhaled to read Dean’s mood via his scent. It was as intoxicating as ever but past that it was full of fear, anger, and just the smallest touch of something not quite arousal but more like interest. 

“Who are you?” Dean asked

“Castiel.”

“Yeah, I figured that much.” Dean said dismissively. “I mean, what are you?”

“I'm an angel of the Lord.”Castiel knew this was not going as well as he had hoped even as he answered Dean's questions of who and what he was.

“Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing.”

“This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith.” Castiel manifested a shadow of his wings. He wanted to put them fully on display for the omega but it wasn't proper and he restrained himself. Even the shadow display would be frowned upon if any of the other angels knew.

Things continued to go downhill as Dean asked about Pamela's eyes and Castiel tried to defend himself, reminding Dean that he had warned her. That she had tried to look at his true form. He mentioned his voice could be overwhelming and the fact he had thought Dean would be able to hear it, saying “Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong.” Finally he mentioned he was in a vessel and that got Dean defensive. He tried his best to explain that Jimmy had actually agreed to it but he could see the lack of belief on Dean's face. 

“Look, I'm not buying what you're selling. So who are you, really?”

”I told you.”

“Why would an angel rescue me from hell?”

Castiel was a bit confused by the question. He knew Dean was the "righteous man" and that he had given up his life and soul for his brother. Why wouldn't he have been saved?

"Good things do happen," he reminded Dean.

"Not in my experience," Dean replied.

Castiel stared at him, looking past his physical form into Dean's soul. The amount of self loathing he saw there upset him, perhaps even made him sad. "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved."

Dean scoffed then asked why again.

This time Castiel answered "because God commanded it. We have work for you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you might be able to see that I am starting to change a bit of the background away from canon. One of the things I wanted was for the demons to be a bit more of a threat to angels. It makes the war a little more balanced.
> 
> I hope you are all having a good week and staying healthy! Be safe out there!

Castiel was almost glad to be called to the front line to protect the seals as it gave him time to sort out his feelings. The encounter with Dean had left him feeling rattled. He was drawn to him.  
If Dean had been another angel Castiel would try to court him. But Dean was human. And Michael's vessel. That made him off limits.

Luckily the battles to protect the seals raged on and kept Castiel busy. When he had time he would sneak off and watch Dean. He particularly liked it when he was sleeping. Dean looked so peaceful. Sometimes when he would start to fall into a nightmare Castiel would lay a hand on his forehead and chase the dreams away.

He was in the middle of a battle against demons when he felt the first seal be opened. He could tell that Lilith had released the witnesses and was sure they would be going after Dean… and those around him. Castiel wanted to fly to him but he could not leave. Already several of his brothers and sisters had been killed. He focused on the fight in front of him, his blade flashing and slicing through his enemies. The other angels regrouped near him and followed his lead. Castiel didn't notice. He just fought.

Finally the last enemy retreated. The angels who were still alive gathered up their wounded to take back to heaven for some rest. Castiel stood in the middle of the battle field and stared around him. A couple of angels came to him with congratulations, he had fought well, but Castiel didn't react. His mind and grace were far away checking in on Dean. 

He could tell that the witnesses had been banished and that Dean was fine. He had a few injuries but they were minor. He was busy with his brother and Bobby. Castiel resolved to speak to him that night.

He helped a few of his remaining brothers and sisters gather up the bodies of the dead. They carried them to heaven as well. Those who had been mated were mourned by their remaining mates, who then took the bodies to ritualistically cremate. Castiel cremated the very few unmated angels alone. He idly wondered who would have performed the rituals for him if he had died. 

Castiel was unmated. He was one of the oldest angels still unmated and definitely the oldest alpha, besides the archangels, who were all alphas and all unmated. Castiel was the youngest of the angels created by God himself. This made him a very desirable mate to the younger generations of angels. Many had tried to court him but Castiel had never felt anything for any of them.

He remembered worrying about it out loud to Gabriel a little while before the archangel disappeared. Gabriel had put an arm and a wing around him and said "don't worry about it. You will find your mates some day. God himself told me he had big plans for you."

It had been a comfort at the time but since then Gabriel had left, God was nowhere to be seen, and a couple millennium had passed. Castiel had put his effort into being the best soldier he could be. That's why he was chosen to lead the rescue of Dean from hell.

He pulled himself back into the present and finished the rituals for his dead siblings. Then he flew to where Dean was.

Dean was sleeping and Castiel wanted to leave him that way but they needed to talk. He sent out a pulse of grace that woke Dean but left Sam asleep. He made sure to add some healing to the pulse; not to get rid of bruises but to heal anything deeper and lasting.

Dean quietly made his way over to where Castiel was standing. 

"Excellent job with the witnesses," Castiel said as he got close.

Castiel watched emotions fly over Dean's face that were mirrored in his scent. Dean seemed to settle on anger.

"You knew about this." Dean asked quietly. He might be angry but he didn't seem to want to wake up Sam.

Castiel gave a tired shrug and said that he had been made aware. This answer seemed to anger Dean even more.

"Thanks a lot for the angelic assistance.I almost got my heart ripped out." He growled at Castiel.  
Castiel stared into Dean's eyes. "But you didn't," he replied simply. He had hoped this would be reassuring.

The smell of Dean's rage was bitter. "I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos. Not dicks."

Castiel almost smiled. "Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier."

Dean scoffed. "Then why didn't you fight?"

"I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns"

This did not seem to help his case. " Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here." Dean snarled at him.

Castiel listened as Dean started a rant about God, with Castiel only interjecting to state there is a God. When he tried to get another word in Dean threatened to kick his ass. Castiel threw up his hands in exasperated surrender. He thought that Dean must be the least meek and submissive omega on the planet, to threaten an alpha, particularly one with supernatural strength, so casually.

Dean took a deep breath and seemed to calm down. He asked about the witnesses, if they were a sign of the apocalypse. Castiel confirmed that it was.

"Do I wanna know?" Dean asked him.

"I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know." Castiel then explained about the 66 seals that Lilith was breaking. Dean tried to reassure him that they had put the spirits of the witnesses to rest. Castiel's voice had a note of resignation when he said, "Doesn't matter. The seal was broken."

"Why break the seal," Dean asked in confusion.

Castiel knew this was information that Dean needed but he didn't want to have to give him. He looked away from Dean and said, "think of the seals as locks on a door."

Dean nodded. "Okay. Last one opens and?" 

Castiel shifted, took a deep breath, then turned to face Dean. "Lucifer walks free."

Dean immediately started to protest saying that Lucifer wasn't real. Castiel reminded him that just days before Dean hadn't believed in him. He asked Dean, rhetorically, why he thought the angels were back walking among humans for the first time in 2000 years?

Dean understood. Then he got mad again. "Bang-up job so far." He said bitingly.

Castiel felt his patience start to grow short with Dean, he was still emotionally raw from cremating his brothers and sisters, but he still tried to explain. "We tried. There are other battles. Other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose." Dean rolled his eyes but Castiel continued, "This one we lost."

Dean gave another scoff and dismissive shake of his head.

Castiel felt his wings rise in a gesture meant to impress and intimidate the omega. It was lost on Dean because Castiel had them hidden from view. Instead he stepped closer to Dean, getting close to his face as he lost his patience. His voice didn't change, staying calm and even, as he told Dean,"Our numbers are not unlimited. Several of my brothers and sisters died in the field this week.You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Just before he flew off to calm down and let Dean think about what he had said, Castiel got a lung full of Dean's scent. It was still full of anger and fear, but there was also a scent of attraction and submission. It stirred the conflicting feelings in Castiel and he flew off before he did anything he might regret.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time Castiel visited Dean was asleep. It was a hotel room this time, not Bobby's house and Sam was gone, visiting the demon, Castiel knew. 

Dean was sleeping restlessly, tossing and turning, his scent filled with fear. Castiel was sure he was dreaming of hell again. He sat down on the bed next to Dean and sent out a pulse of grace to wake him. 

Dean startled and rolled over to face him as Castiel said "Hello, Dean. What were you dreaming about?" Castiel was curious if Dean would tell him.

The scent of a grumpy omega filled the room as Dean asked " What, you get your freak on by watching other people sleep?" He pushed his blanket off him, still fully clothed from the day before. “What do you want?" 

"Listen to me. You have to stop it." Castiel told him. He was being intentionally vague. He had his orders.

Dean was confused. "Stop what?"

Castiel didn't answer. He just reached out and placed two fingers to Dean's forehead, sending him back in time.

Castiel watched, invisible and scent hidden, as Dean met his dad and realized when he was. He knew Dean wanted answers about the apocalypse and his role in it. Castiel's superiors had decided that Dean would be more understanding if he was shown his family's history. Castiel hoped that it would lead Dean to be able to change things. 

He let Dean see him again in order to confirm to him that it all was real. Dean seemed flustered when he saw Castiel and was full of questions. Castiel tried to be reassuring in tone as he announced that yes it was real. 

Dean did not seem reassured. "What, angels got their hands on some DeLoreans? How did I get here?"

Castiel looked away as he tried to think of the best way to explain it to him. "Time is fluid, Dean. It's not easy, but we can bend it on occasion."

"Bend it back." Dean quickly demanded. "Or tell me what the hell I'm doing here."

Castiel just repeated the words he had said before sending Dean back in time, "You have to stop it."

Dean started to ask more questions but something distracted him and as he looked away Castiel took the opportunity to go back to being invisible.

"What, are you allergic to straight answers, you son of a bitch?" Dean yelled at the spot Castiel was still standing even though Dean couldn't see him.

He continued to keep an eye on Dean but was trying not to interfere. He waited until Dean was headed after the colt before revealing himself to be in the passenger seat.

Dean started then asked sarcastically, "God's my copilot, is that it?"

Castiel said nothing. Dean grumbled at him for a couple minutes before asking why Castiel hadn't brought Sam back?

"You had to do this alone, Dean." Castiel told him simply. This trip was to reveal family secrets to Dean and having Sam there would have hindered the process, but Castiel didn't say that.

Dean questioned him about Sam looking for him but Castiel responded that Sam wasn't looking. He didn't expand on it and Dean didn't ask for clarification. Instead Dean changed the subject.  
"If I do this, then the family curse breaks, right? Mom and Dad live happily ever after and Sam and I grow up alright?"

"You realize, if you do alter the future your father, you, Sam, you'll never become hunters and all those people you saved, they'll die."

"I realize." Dean said quietly.

Castiel stared at him as he drove. He knew Dean, better than Dean even knew. So he asked, "And you don't care?"

"Oh, I care." Dean was quick to respond. "I care a lot. But these are my parents. I'm not gonna let them die again. I can't. Not if I can stop it." 

Castiel caught the end of that as he flew away. He was fighting against strong instincts to take Dean into his arms for comfort and protection. But that was not his mission.

Castiel could not be there as Dean confronted the yellow-eyed demon. Even if he stayed invisible the demon might sense his presence. For that reason he could not go to Dean until after Mary had made a deal with the demon for John's life. The demon left and Castiel went immediately to Dean.

He appeared behind him and waited for Dean to notice. It took seconds. The scent of distressed omega filled the air and the look on Dean's face was devastation. Once again he wanted to take Dean into his arms but couldn't. Castiel did the next best thing. Invisible to Dean, he wrapped his wings around the omega. Dean could not see or feel them but he did seem to relax into them slightly.

Castiel flew him back to his bed in the hotel room. Dean woke up again and sat up.

"I couldn't stop any of it. She still made the deal. She still died in the nursery, didn't she?” he asked, his voice and scent full of misery.

Castiel didn't look at Dean as he said, "Don't be too hard on yourself. You couldn't have stopped it.”

Castiel could feel and smell shock coming from Dean. "What?"

"Destiny can't be changed, Dean." He turned to face him. "All roads lead to the same destination."

“Then why'd you send me back?"

"For the truth. Now you know everything we do." 

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean demanded. Castiel just looked over to Sam's empty bed. Dean followed his eyes.

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked. Castiel liked that about Dean. How caring he was.

"We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don't know is why. What his endgame is. He went to great lengths to cover that up." Castiel replied, not answering the question.

Dean asked again and this time Castiel gave him the address and a warning, "Your brother is headed down a dangerous road, Dean and we're not sure where it leads. So stop it or we will."

Dean stared at him for almost a full minute before heading out after his brother. Castiel sighed. What Dean was about to learn was going to hurt him and Castiel couldn't be there for him. Heaven forbid it. Castiel’s superiors were starting to get suspicious of how much time Castiel spent watching over Dean.

Reluctantly he flew off to rejoin the battle to protect the seals.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still trying to keep this part of the story pretty close to canon. I hope that it still flows alright.

It was weeks later, the next time Castiel got to see Dean. He hadn't even had a chance to look in on him. Finally his superiors pulled him out of the battle to go to Dean. There was a seal the angels wanted the Winchesters to keep from breaking and Castiel was told to either have them stop it or wipe out the town to prevent it.

Castiel was sent with Uriel, who was considered an expert and wiping out towns. 

When they flew down to the Winchesters’ hotel room no one was there but Castiel knew they would be back soon. He quickly searched the room with his grace for any dangers and found a hex bag. He took it out, deactivated it, and set it on a table. Then they waited. He didn't say anything to Uriel but he could feel Dean through his mark and knew he was getting closer.

Sam was the first one through the door and he pulled a gun on Castiel. 

“Who are you?” he demanded.

“Sam, wait! That's Castiel. The angel.” Dean yelled coming through the door. Castiel noted to himself that the bond seemed to go both ways. Dean had known it was him even before he entered the room. 

“Him, I don't know.” Castiel could hear him say to Sam, likely in reference to Uriel.

Castiel walked over to the brothers. “Hello, Sam.” he said in greeting. They had not met yet.

“Oh, my God. Or, uh I didn't mean to Sorry. It's an honor. Really. I've heard a lot about you.” Sam stammered. He stuck out his hand to shake Castiel’s. After a moment's hesitation Castiel did.

“And I you. Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood. Glad to hear you've ceased your extracurricular activities,” he was trying to be comforting but Sam seemed disconcerted by the comments.

Uriel made a comment and Dean quickly responded to dismiss him. He seemed to take an instant dislike for the other angel. Castiel was secretly pleased. Dean asked who Uriel was but Castiel had no time for that.

“This raising of Samhain, have you stopped it?" He asked Dean.

Dean and Sam seemed startled by the question. 

"Why?" Dean asked.

Castiel was insistent, "Dean, have you located the witch?"

"Yes, we've located the witch." Dean told him. When Castiel asked if she was dead, Sam and Dean admitted she wasn't but they knew who she was.

"Apparently, the witch knows who you are too." Castiel told them, walking over to a table and picking up the hex bag he had found earlier. "This was inside the wall of your room. If we hadn't found it, surely one or both of you would be dead. Do you know where the witch is now?" 

Sam and Dean exchanged a look but Dean said that they were working on it. 

Castiel said "That's unfortunate." And Dean got defensive asking why they cared. Castiel glanced over to Uriel who was rudely and pointedly looking out the window. So Castiel continued his explanation.

"The raising of Samhain is one of the 66 seals."

"This is about your buddy Lucifer?" Dean asked flippantly.

"Lucifer is no friend of ours," Uriel said suddenly, still not turning to face them. Castiel said nothing. Once, long ago, Lucifer had been a friend but no one there needed to know that.

Castiel could see that Dean felt uncomfortable with Uriel there. "It's just an expression." He told him. His scent wasn't quite nervous but definitely disquieted.

Castiel knew what he was going to say would not help. "Lucifer cannot rise. Breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs."

Dean and Sam suggested that they work together to kill the witch and Castiel wanted to agree but that was not his mission. Before he could say anything Uriel interrupted Dean saying "Enough."

The smell of an angry omega filled the room. Inside Castiel smiled. Both Sam and Uriel were betas so they didn't understand the full level of Dean's display of emotions. "Who are you and why should I care?" Dean yelled at him.

"This is Uriel." Castiel told him. He let his own scent carry his frustration and exasperation, knowing only Dean would pick it up. "He's what you might call a specialist."

"What kind of a specialist?" When Castiel didn't answer Dean got more concerned. "What are you gonna do?"

"You," Castiel then remembered Sam, "both of you, need to leave this town immediately."

Dean asked why and with reluctance Castiel told him they planned to destroy it. Dean could not seem to believe it. Castiel tried to explain that the seal had to be saved. Sam reminded them that thousands of people lived there. Uriel told them the exact number. Then he told Sam it wasn't the first time he had purified a city. Hearing him speak Castiel was reminded how much he disliked Uriel.

Castiel could feel and smell the anger and disbelief rise in Dean. He tried to say something reassuring but his words just seemed to upset Dean more. As he tried to explain it to Dean to show him the bigger picture he could feel their frustration with each other rise. He stepped closer to Dean. "Lucifer cannot rise. He does, and hell rises with him. Is that something that you're willing to risk?" They were nose to nose. Dean nervously wet his lips with his tongue. 

Castiel's eyes followed it. The scent of his interest hung between them. Before he could say or do anything he might regret, Sam spoke up.

"We'll stop this witch before she summons anyone. Your seal won't be broken and no one has to die."

Castiel admired his optimism. He still kept his eyes on Dean. Then Uriel said something about mud monkeys and Castiel was pulled back to the present. He looked away, apologized and said they had their orders.

Sam protested, saying as angels they should show mercy.

Uriel was dismissive of that.

"We have no choice." Castiel told them quietly.

"Of course you have a choice." Dean responded,"You've never questioned a crap order? Are you just a couple of hammers?" That question hurt and Castiel wanted to respond but Uriel and Sam were there. 

Instead he said, "Look, even if you can't understand it have faith. The plan is just."

Dean and Sam still argued with him. Finally Castiel turned it on Dean. "When your father gave you an order didn't you obey?"

From everything Castiel knew about Dean he knew this was a low blow. The scent of hurt omega scented the air. Castiel wanted to apologize but he had to stay firm. He was being watched. Dean stared at him for a second then straightened his shoulders. Castiel could almost hear him make a decision.

Dean announced that the plans had changed. Castiel just stared at him, wondering what he would do. Uriel scoffed at the idea that Sam and Dean could stop them.

Dean walked over to Uriel full of confidence as he said, "If you're gonna smite this whole town then you're gonna have to smite us with it because we are not leaving. You went to the trouble of busting me out of hell I figure I'm worth something to the man upstairs." The two angels said nothing and Dean continued, "You wanna waste me? Go ahead. See how he likes that."

Uriel threatened to drag him out but Dean replied that he would have to kill Dean and then what? Then to add insult Dean insinuated that Uriel was over compensating. 

Castiel knew this struck Uriel hard. He was just a beta but acted like an alpha. Having an omega question him would be too much. Castiel felt his admiration of Dean continue to rise.

Dean turned back to Castiel and told him that they could do it, find the witch and stop the summoning.

Uriel started to protest but Castiel cut him off. He told them to move quickly. Then he dragged Uriel away with him.

They landed in a park not far away. Castopiel stood watching the children as Muriel complained about the Winchester brothers. He wanted to drag them out and wipe the town out. Castiel cautioned him that he was close to disobeying. 

He had never known how much disdain Uriel held for humans. Castiel himself found them fascinating. 

He waited there as the seal broke but Samhain was dealt with. Uriel left. Castiel did not care where he went. 

Dean went and sat down on the bench next to Castiel's. He couldn't see him, but Castiel suspected that he could sense him. He made himself visible.

Dean was already on the defensive, waiting for Castiel to say 'I told you so’ but Castiel explained that he was not there to judge him. He also admitted that their true orders were to follow Deans orders.

"Your orders were to follow my orders?" He asked with disbelief. He probably was surprised that an alpha was willing to follow his orders. 

"It was a test to see how you would perform under battlefield conditions," Castiel said as he studied Dean.

"It was a witch, not the Tet Offensive." Dean said with slight amusement.

Castiel chuckled at that.

Dean got defensive again. He knew he had failed the test but he told Castiel even if he could go back in time he would do it all again. He admitted he didn't know what the future would bring but for now at least the kids in front of them and the rest of the park were there because of Dean and Sam.

Castiel confessed to Dean that he was praying that Dean would choose to save the town. Dean seemed to disbelieve him but Castiel continued. He told Dean how he viewed the people as works of art. But now that another seal had been broken they were one step closer to a literal hell on earth. He looked at Dean, reminded him that of all people, Dean should appreciate what that means.

He stopped then asked Dean, "Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?"

Dean agreed.

"I'm not a hammer, as you say. I have questions. I have doubts." The words poured out of Castiel. He knew Dean would not understand the significance of his confession but he hoped it would bring some understanding. "I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore whether you passed or failed here. But in the coming months you will have more decisions to make. I don't envy the weight that's on your shoulders, Dean. I truly don't."

He left Dean alone in that park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am having to do the two weeks self-isolation/quarantine as of yesterday. I feel fine, a bit of a cough, but that is enough right now for me to be in lock down. Good news though. I might have more writing time. Or I might just spend all my time playing video games... it remains to be seen.
> 
> Stay safe out there!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... not super happy with this chapter but hopefully it's not too bad.

The next time Castiel saw Dean it was also in the company of Uriel. They burst into the cabin where Dean was.

Castiel looked around at everyone there; the righteous man, a demon, the man with demon blood, and the former angel.

"Please tell me you're here to help. We've been having demon issues all day." Dean said. He looked at Castiel imploringly. Even his scent seemed pleading. 

Castiel just stared back. He always forgot how alluring Dean’s scent was when they were apart. He could hear Uriel say something insulting but didn't listen.

"We're here for Anna." Castiel told Dean.

"Here for her like 'here for her'?" Dean asked. There was both hope and suspicion in his voice.

Uriel told Dean to stop talking and give her to them. Dean’s face darkened and his scent was full of fury. It was probably a good thing that Uriel was a beta and could ready scents.

Sam asked if they were going to help her.

"No." Castiel replied. "She has to die."

That surprised Sam and Dean. They tried to tell him not to kill Anna. Uriel responded that he would kill her gently.

"You're some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?" Dean asked.

"As a matter of fact, we are." Castiel agreed. He couldn't tell Dean that he disagreed with the orders. Not in front of Uriel and the others. He also could tell Dean why they wanted Anna, what she was. He tried to tell them that she was far from innocent. When they asked what that meant, though, Uriel spoke up, insulting Anna and the demon. 

Finally Uriel pushed too far and attacked. When he went to smite the demon, Dean went to her defense. Castiel didn't want to fight with either of the brothers. He advanced on Sam and put him to sleep with a touch to the forehead. He headed to where Anna was then got ripped from the space.

It was annoying but Castiel could not fault Anna for her action. In some ways he was relieved. Dean was protecting Anna and would not take well to Castiel killing her. 

He did not like the plan his superiors came up with to get Anna back. They threatened Dean.  
They were also getting suspicious of how attached Castiel was to Dean. When Uriel came back from talking to Dean he taunted Castiel saying that he told the 'mud monkey' that Castiel liked him. Castiel had no visible reaction. He knew he had to play the long game.

When time was up for Dean to give up Anna, Uriel and Castiel burst into the barn they were hiding in. The barn was hidden using enochian symbols but Dean had stepped outside, signalling their location.

“Hello, Anna. It's good to see you." Castiel told her. He even meant it. He had liked Anna. A little at least. 

Sam was shocked and asked how they had found them. Silently Castiel looked at Dean. Sam and Anna looked at him with disbelief. Dean just apologized. Sam asked why

"Because they gave him a choice." Anna explained. Castiel said nothing and looked down. "They either kill me or kill you. I know how their minds work."

She kissed Dean, which had anger rising in Castiel, and told him "You did the best you could. I forgive you."

Castiel had to look away. He felt a mix of emotions, sadness over Anna, and anger for her relationship with Dean.

Then Anna stood before them and said she was ready.

"I'm sorry" Castiel told her.

She dismissed him saying that he wasn't really, he didn't know the feeling. Castiel didn't try to argue with her. Anna had never listened. He tried to say something again and she interrupted him.

A demon called out from behind them and Castiel felt a pulse of something. He traced the feeling and realized it was a mix of pure terror and satisfaction from Dean. Castiel realized that Dean must have come up with a plan to save Anna. Castiel kept his expression neutral but he smiled inside. Dean was resourceful. 

Uriel stepped forward to trade insults with the demon. Castiel also stepped forward to fight the demons. When the fight started he went to smite the leader but for whatever reason it didn't seem to work. The demon was beating him when Dean bashed him in the head. 

Castiel just watched as Anna got her grace back and sent the demon away.

When it was over and Anna was gone Dean taunted them, " What are you waiting for? Aren't you gonna go get Anna? Unless, of course, you're scared."

Uriel stepped forward, ready to attack Dean but Castiel held him back. He and Dean stared at each other for a moment before he took Uriel away. He just hoped that Dean had understood the message of regret that had been in his scent.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another short chapter to help get you through the week.
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well during these trying times.

Castiel used trickery next time he needed help from Dean and Sam. He pretended to be Bobby in order to get them on the case of a town where no one was dying. He needed them to protect a seal. The place was warded against angels.

He was careful to only talk to Sam. He thought Dean might be able to sense it was him even through a phone.

He let Sam know that the local reaper had been kidnapped and told him why. Then he left the two to do their best to stop it.

He couldn't help Dean but he kept track of him through their bond. He felt when Dean became a spirit to find the readers. It was risky but Castiel understood that's what Dean did, take risks.

Dean and Sam managed to protect the seal and get free. They were separated though and as Dean left the building covered with symbols Castiel couldn't penetrate Alasdair followed him.  
Castiel and the other angels captured Alasdair as he made his way towards Dean 8n a flash of light.

"What the hell?" Dean exclaimed.

"Guess again." Castiel said from behind him. Dean spun to face him.

"What just happened?" Castiel asked the question he knew was on Dean’s mind. "You and Sam just saved a seal. We captured Alastair. Dean, this was a victory."

Dean was not impressed. "No thanks to you."

When Castiel asked what he meant Dean countered asking if he had been there the whole time. Castiel confirmed he had for some of it. Dean gave him a sarcastic thanks for his help.

"That script on the funeral home, we couldn't penetrate it." Castiel told him.

"That was angel-proofing." Dean said, understanding.

"Why do you think I recruited you and Sam in the first place?"

Dean was surprised by that. Castiel explained that it wasn't Bobby who had given them information on the case. 

"If you want our help, why the hell didn't you just ask?" Dean demanded.

"Because whatever I ask you seem to do the exact opposite." 

Dean didn't respond to that, instead asking if people were going to start dying again. His scent was full of sadness and regret but Castiel knew he had to tell him the truth. He said yes and Dean tried to make the case that they were good people, couldn't they make an exception. Castiel tried to explain that everything had its season.

"You made an exception for me."

Castiel paused for a moment before saying, "You're different." Then he left. Dean’s work was not quite done.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel walked past the crashed cars, dreading what he was about to find. 

There lay a woman in a white dress, the outline of wings burnt into the ground around her. Castiel pulled the dress aside slightly to see that she had been stabbed in the chest. "Goodbye, sister." He whispered. The human law enforcement was coming so he left. 

Castiel was troubled by the death. The battles with the demons had lessened but the angel deaths continued to rise. Some angels were even choosing suicide if one or both of their mates were killed. He needed to get to the bottom of it.

He went back to heaven but his superiors already had a new task for him. Castiel was disheartened when they told him Uriel, who had previously been under his command, was to be in charge. They thought Castiel was getting too close to Dean.

Castiel and Uriel flew down to the Winchesters hotel room just before they entered. They were not happy to see the angels. Dean, in particular, seemed bitter. The scent of his anger filled the room.

Uriel tried to establish his dominance but Dean had no time for that. Sam tried to explain that they had just gotten back from Pamela's funeral. In a biting tone Dean reminded Castiel that he had burned her eyes out. He stayed silent as the anguement between Uriel and Dean continued.

He did try to interject that he knew that things were difficult to understand but Uriel interrupted, dismissing him. Castiel looked away. He let his own scent carry his regret and frustration to Dean. Dean seemed to notice and calm slightly.

Uriel explained about the murdered angels. Dean asked if it was demons and how they had been killed. Uriel answered that he didn't know.

"I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it?" Sam asked. "A demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league."

Uriel was confident that they could handle the demons.

Castiel stepped forward to add, "Once we find whoever it is."

Dean was confused. "So you need our help hunting a demon?"

Castiel disagreed and reminded Dean that they had Alastair. When Dean suggested that he would name the culprit, Castiel had to tell Dean that they couldn't get Alastair to talk.

Dean gave a humorless chuckle, his scent bitter. "He's a black belt in torture. You are out of your league."

"That's why we've come to his student," Uriel informed him. "You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got."

Dean hung his head, his scent full of shame.

"Dean, you are our best hope." Castiel said quietly.

Dean stared into Castiel's eyes and firmly said, "No. No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas. Not this." 

Uriel smiled at Dean and said menacingly, "Who said anything about asking?"

Then he grabbed Dean and flew him off, Castiel following.

Castiel showed Dean where Alastair was being held and explained that the devils trap kept him completely bound. Dean admired it for a moment then headed towards the door. Uriel stopped him and told him angels were dying. 

Dean had no time for that, "Everybody's dying these days."

He stared at Uriel and added, "I get it.You're all-powerful, you can make me do whatever you want." He turned to Castiel, "But you can't make me do this."

"This is too much to ask, I know." Castiel said striding over to Dean. "But we have to ask it." 

They stared at each other for a moment before Dean turned to Uriel and demanded to talk to Castiel alone. Uriel left after a few more comments.

Dean tried to lighten the situation by joking, "You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby." Castiel just stared at him and Dean nervously added, "I'm starting to think junkless has a better sense of humor than you."

Castiel acknowledged that. "Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone."

Dean seemed not to know how to respond to that so he changed the subject.

"What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" 

"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies." Castiel answered.

"Your sympathies?"

"I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment." Castiel only told the truth.   
Dean's expression didn't change but his scent changed in a way that Castiel thought he was pleased by the news.

Then Dean grew serious again. He warned Castiel about having him torturing Alastair. Castiel acknowledged the warning and added, "For what it's worth I would give anything not to have you do this." His scent was filled with regret and he knew Dean understood.

Then he watched Dean walk into the next room to start his torture.

He didn't leave, just stayed in the other room to give whatever support he could. Anna arrived while Uriel was still out. Castiel reminded her that they had orders to kill her but she was confident that he wouldn't. She asked him to stop Dean but he told her he had orders. She questioned where the orders came from. Castiel was already having doubts but was trying not to. 

She put her hand on his and displayed her wings. It was less of an effort to convince him through her argument, than to seduce him. When she said together in her effort to convince him he threw off her hand and reminded her that they were not the same. That she had fallen. She displayed her wings again but Castiel just told her to go.

A few minutes later he heard something in the torture room. He rushed in to see Alastair holding Dean up by the throat. He stabbed him with the demon knife but it didn't kill him. Dean was unconscious as Castiel and Alastair fought. Alastair got the upper hand and was about to banish him to heaven when Sam entered the room.

Sam started interrogating Alastair using his powers. Castiel just watched as Sam killed Alastair. He knew nothing good would come of that power.

Sam dragged Dean to a hospital and Castiel followed him there. Sam demanded that Castiel heal Dean but Castiel said no. He didn't say it to Sam but he wanted some time to sort things out with Sam and Dean out of the way, and having Dean in the hospital accomplished that. Sam stated that the whole thing was pointless and that the demons weren't killing the angels.

Castiel flew off to where Uriel was. Uriel started to say that they were being given orders to stop hunting the demons.

Castiel played along, saying that maybe it was the will of heaven and that they were being punished. Uriel flew off.

Castiel called the only person he knew who might help him. Anna.

She seemed pleased to see him and when he expressed his doubts she couldn't hide her delight in the news from him. She put her hand on him and he shifted uncomfortably. She lashed out with her words then, sarcastically calling him too good for her help. She turned to leave and Castiel again asked for help but she told him, "It's time to think for yourself." Then she disappeared.

Castiel wanted to go back to Dean’s side but knew he couldn't until he fixed things. He thought about everything he had learned and realized who the killer must be. Before he accused anyone he headed back to the torture room to look at the devils trap that had failed.

He called Uriel to discuss his findings. Uriel immediately asked if Castiel was going to join him in the fight. Castiel didn't answer him. Instead he mused how a leaky pipe undid the trap. Uriel tried to day Alastair was too powerful but Castiel knew better. He had made the trap himself.  
He reminded Uriel of all they had been through together. All he wanted was the truth.

Uriel gave a slight smile and pulled out his knife, saying "The truth is, the only thing that can kill an angel is another angel."

Castiel knew that wasn't completely true but close enough. He let Uriel tell him how he had broken the trap so that Alastair would kill Dean and escape. When Castiel asked about the murders, Uriel denied that it was murder. Instead he called it conversion. 

Castiel was starting to realize that Uriel was insane. He listened to him make many of the same statements that had originally landed Lucifer in the cage. He disavowed God as their father and said that he stopped being that when humans were made.

Castiel realized Uriel was trying to convert him. Uriel said he wanted Castiel to join him so that they would be strong enough to raise Lucifer. He reminded Castiel about how strong and beautiful Lucifer was. 

Castiel listened. He did remember. Lucifer and him had gotten along very well before he had rebelled. They had even spoken of forming a mated trio together with an omega. But that was eons ago and Uriel knew nothing about that.

Uriel continued to ramble on. He seemed to worship Lucifer. Castiel reminded him that Lucifer wasn't God. Uriel only responded that God wasn't God anymore. That he didn't care. And the proof was that he hadn't stopped the murders Uriel had committed.

When Castiel asked if he planned to kill them all Uriel admitted that others had already joined him. Castiel sighed. Uriel again asked him to join him and bring about the apocalypse.

Castiel let Uriel think for a moment that he was considering it before throwing him through a wall. They fought but Castiel was still injured from his fight with Alastair. Eventually he was at Uriel's mercy.

Uriel lifted his blade but Anna came up behind him and stabbed him in the throat. Castiel had called her in when he had set the trap for Uriel. She flew off again after Uriel died.  
Castiel didn't follow her. Instead he headed back to the hospital room Dean was in.

"Are you all right?" He asked Dean when he felt him wake up.

"No thanks to you." Dean grasped out.

"You need to be more careful."

"You need to learn how to manage a damn devil's trap."

Castiel replied, "That's not what I mean." He went on to explain that Uriel was dead and how he had been working against them.

Dean was quiet for a moment before asking if it was true he broke the first seal. 

"Yes," Castiel confirmed. "When we discovered Lilith's plan for you we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you." 

"Jump-started the apocalypse." Dean said, tears in his eyes and choking up his voice.

Castiel had to fight tears too as he said they were too late.

"Why didn't you just leave me there?" Dean asked.

Castiel tried to explain that it was fate and told him, "The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it."

Dean asked what that meant and Castiel confessed that he didn't know. Dean didn't believe him but Castiel said "Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you."

"Well, then you guys are screwed." Dean stated as tears fell. "I can't do it, Cas. It's too big."

Castiel knew nothing he said would help. So he sat there quietly, his wings wrapped around the sobbing omega, until Dean fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is just a short chapter. I have been mostly trying to keep it to the actual episodes Castiel was in for season four. But I was struck with the thought of what Castiel thought when Dean and Sam lost their memories. Add in Dean being an omega in this version... and this is what happened.

Castiel had to tell his superiors what had happened to Uriel. They expressed horror. Then they told him that they had put a new angel in charge of the Winchesters.

Castiel stopped by to check in on Dean, invisible, of course. He wasn't sure what to think when he saw them. He knew immediately it was the work of angels and nothing nefarious but Sam and Dean seemed to have had their memories altered. 

Castiel found it highly disconcerting and did not spend much time watching them. He was particularly unsettled by how much more Dean acted like a traditional omega. It made him realize how much he liked Dean's attitude. The normal Dean was ready to go toe to toe with anyone; even God if he needed to. This Dean was more willing to follow the whims of others.

He checked on him a couple more times during that week. He found it interesting to see how the two brothers interacted when they didn't know each other. They seemed to instinctively trust each other. They also fell back into their roles when they worked together. With Dean leading and Sam doing research.

The only interference he did was to keep alphas away from Dean. Any who got close were suddenly struck ill and unable to scent anything. He knew that when Dean's memories returned he would be able to take care of himself but Castiel didn't want him to come out of whatever this experiment was with a mate. He told himself he was doing it for Dean, but he was suspicious he was really doing it for himself.


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel kept himself away from Dean for a couple weeks after he got his memories back. He would have stayed a silent, invisible guardian except Dean decided to threaten a prophet. Castiel had to step in before someone up high decided to smite him.

He flew in in time to see Dean push Chuck against a wall.

"Dean, let him go. This man is to be protected." Castiel told him.

"Why?"

"He's a prophet of the Lord." Castiel said simply.

"You're Castiel, aren't you?" Chuck said kind of breathlessly.

Castiel responded by telling Chuck that it was an honor to meet him and that he admired his work. He picked up one of the books and started leafing through it. He liked that the world could read about how brave his omega, he meant Dean, was. And his brother, of course.

Dean seemed to be upset at Chuck and Chuck responded timidly. Castiel noted that Chuck was an alpha but the dynamic between Dean and Chuck was the reverse of the subgender norms. Dean, the omega was forceful and intimidating, and Chuck, the alpha was fearful and timid. Castiel took a moment to admire Dean before turning his focus back to the matter at hand.

Dean was asking if Chuck was really the guy who decides their fate. Castiel explained that Chuck was just a mouthpiece for the word.

"The word? The word of God? Like the New New Testament?" Dean said in disbelief.

Castiel continued to look through the book as he said, "One day, these books, they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel."

Chuck did not take well to the news and ran upstairs.

Dean asked Castiel how they could avoid the fate Chuck had seen regarding Sam getting together with lilith. Castiel had to explain that what was written can't be unwritten. What Chuck had seen had to come true. 

Dean did not like that answer and went tearing out to go rind his brother. Castiel stayed a couple minutes to try to calm Chuck but decided to also leave. The alpha was a mess and Castiel had neither the time or patience to deal with him.

"Well, I feel stupid doing this but I am fresh out of options. So please I need some help. I'm praying, okay? Come on. Please."

Castiel heard Dean’s prayer a little while later. It wasn't a classically put together prayer but the intent was the same so it reached Castiel. He flew to Dean, saying, "Prayer is a sign of faith. This is a good thing, Dean."  
Dean asked him to help and Castiel tried to explain that he couldn't. It was a prophecy. Dean didn't take that for an answer. He reminded Castiel that he had never asked for anything but now he needed help. Castiel told him it was outside his power.

This made Dean mad. He raged at Castiel and told him not to expect any help in the future.  
Castiel had to call his name twice before he would listen to him.

"You must understand why I can't intercede. Prophets are special. They're protected." Castiel said this with all the significance he could put into the words. Dean tried to interrupt but Castiel continued. "if anything threatens a prophet, anything at all an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They're absolute. They're heaven's most terrifying weapon."

"These archangels, they're tied to prophets?" Dean asked, starting to understand.

"Yes."

"So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon?" Dean let the question trail off.

Castiel answered, "Then the most fearsome wrath of heaven would rain down on that demon. Just so you understand why I can't help." He looked away from Dean, feigning innocence.

Dean stared at him a moment before saying quietly, "Thanks, Cas."

"Good luck." Castiel replied with a slight smile. He was glad to be able to help Dean in a way that heaven could not use against either of them. He wasn’t afraid for himself, but he didn’t want anything to happen to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I don't know what it's like where all of you are but the weather is starting to get nice where I am and I am looking forward to spending some time in the garden. I just wish it was late enough I could start planting things.
> 
> Anyways, hope you are all still doing well. Stay safe out there!


	10. Chapter 10

Between battles and helping Dean Castiel had been trying to find out more about the angels who had sided with Uriel. He particularly wanted to know their plans for Dean. He found out something that worried him.

He immediately contacted Dean, who was dreaming of fishing. It was a pleasant change from what Dean’s dreams normally were and Castiel was sad he had to intrude.

"We need to talk." He told him.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Dean realized.

Castiel told him it wasn't safe to talk there, that anyone could be listening. Then he gave Dean an address to meet him.

Castiel flew right there and prepared to talk to Dean but Zechariah and some other angels got there first. Castiel fought but they banished him from his vessel and dragged him to heaven.

When they got there they dragged him to an area of heaven he didn't recognise. There was a female angel there. She introduced herself as Naomi. There was something about her that Castiel found familiar but he couldn't remember why. The sight of her filled him with a sense of dread. The other angels held him down as he was strapped into a chair and had a strap put around his head to keep it in place.

She pulled out some strange tool and drilled into his head. Castiel could feel himself being lost. Something that Naomi was doing was resetting him back to who he was before he dragged Dean out of hell. 

He was able to keep something of himself safe though. He thought maybe it was his connection to Dean. What frustrated him was that he had something to tell Dean but now he had forgotten. 

He decided to play the good soldier as he tried to figure out what they had done to him and what he had forgotten. They released him and reminded him that he served heaven, not some human. He was agreeing when he heard the prayer of his former vessel, Jimmy. With Zachariah’s permission he went to investigate.

Jimmy was in a warehouse. His wife was possessed by a demon and his daughter tied up. Sam and Dean were there too. He couldn't risk asking Jimmy for permission to possess him again in front of all the demons, but no one was watching the daughter, Claire and she also worked as a vessel. She was from the same bloodline, after all.

He whispered in her ear and, hoping to save her family, she gave her permission. They saw Jimmy get shot but Castiel was not ready to act yet. 

He waited until a demon came over to kill Claire and smote him with a hand to his head. Dean and Sam took the distraction to start fighting the demons.

Jimmy saw him, saying his name.

Castiel ignored him in order to save Dean. Then they turned to see Sam with his mouth covered in demon blood. Castiel felt disappointment in Sam but it was nothing compared to what he could sense Dean was feeling. Sam used the power the blood gave him to get the demon out of Jimmy's wife.

In the vessel of his daughter Castiel went over to Jimmy. He was dying and Castiel told him that he had his gratitude and that his work was done. He told Jimmy it was time for him to rest in the field of the Lord.

Jimmy protested. "No. Claire?"

Castiel tried to explain. "She's with me now. She's chosen. It's in her blood, as it was in yours." He didn't actually want to keep Claire as a vessel, she was far too young and not his preferred primary gender. But she had agreed and Jimmy deserved to be done.

"Please, Castiel. Just take me. Please." Jimmy pleaded. 

Castiel could feel Dean behind him as he spoke to Jimmy. "I wanna make sure you understand. You won't die or age. If this last year was painful for you, picture a hundred, a thousand more like it."

Jimmy didn't care. He just wanted his daughter to be free. Castiel admired that about him. Before he agreed Castiel shared a thought to Claire. It was something he could never say out loud but he thanked her for allowing him to use her as a vessel and he apologized for taking her dad away.

Out loud he said "As you wish."

And he transferred back into Jimmy. 

He walked away from Claire, letting Jimmy's wife run over to her. She stared at him a moment but didn't say anything. He knew that she finally understood that Jimmy was not coming back. He had made his choice to save his family.

Castiel turned to leave but Dean called after him and asked what he was going to tell him.

Castiel only replied, "I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve heaven, I don't serve man and I certainly don't serve you."

As Castiel walked away again he could sense and smell the hurt coming off Dean. He still left. He had work to do and memories to try and get back. He would play the good soldier if it kept Dean safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only have another two chapters or so in this fic but I have already started on the sequel. I hope you have enjoyed.
> 
> So with all that is happening in the world I was recently reminded of an old tv show, ReGenesis. It is fun and very sciency (I only really like the first two seasons though.) Anyways I know it is on Amazon Prime (at least in Canada). If nothing else check out their opening credits - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF-L7TaQR4A


	11. Chapter 11

Dean had been praying for hours. Castiel had wanted to fly right to him but he was being watched. Finally his superiors let him go, as long as he did something else while there.

Dean saw him as soon as he flew down and immediately started in on Castiel, telling him it was about time and that he had been calling for hours.

Castiel almost smiled. In a different context Dean would be sounding like a typical omega. Instead, he sounded like a pissed off older brother ready to smite the world.

Dean again asked him what Castiel was going to tell him before he got dragged back to heaven. Castiel still couldn't remember but he thought he was getting close. In the meantime he told Dean, "it was nothing of import."

Dean was sceptical,"You got lambasted in heaven but it was not of import?"

"Dean, I can't." Castiel said gently,"I'm sorry." His scent was full of regret. 

He changed the subject to the real reason Dean had called him; Sam.

Dean went along with the subject change and asked, "Can he do it? Kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse?"

Castiel confirmed that it was possible but reminded Dean what it would take. He also told Dean that to consume that much demon blood would change Sam and he could become a monster. 

Dean emanated sadness at that but Castiel tried to give him hope. He told him that heaven believed that Dean could stop it if he accepted his role.

"If I do this Sammy doesn't have to?" Dean asked. 

Castiel stared at him. This was the same kind of self-sacrifice that had landed Dean in hell in the first place. He responded, "If it gives you comfort to see it that way."

Dean called him a dick and walked off a way to get himself together. His emotions perfumed the air and Castiel waited as Dean gathered his thoughts and committed.

"Fine, I'm in." He said, back turned to Castiel.

"You give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his angels?" Castiel asked. 

"Yeah, exactly." Dean said, still not looking at him.

"Say it." Castiel demanded. 

Dean turned to give him a searching look before saying, "I give myself over wholly to serve God and you."

Castiel noticed that Dean swore service to God and him, not necessarily the other angels. He wasn't sure if it was deliberate. 

He could feel the presence of another angel nearby. His superiors no longer trusted him alone with Dean so he solemnly continued. "You swear to follow his will and his word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's?"

"Yes, I swear." Dean answered, then he immediately asked, "Now what?"

Castiel told him he would have to wait until it was time. 

He knew he should leave at this point but Dean was staring into his eyes so he stared back. He cast his grace out beyond himself and was relieved to find that the angel watching them, a younger angel he had never bothered to learn the name of, was a beta. He loosened the tight reins he held over his scent and let it fill the air with his emotions. Dean's eyes went wide, then narrowed as he sorted out the message Castiel was trying to convey. They didn't say anything. Finally Castiel though he saw some understanding in Dean's eyes so he flew off.

He didn't go far. His other mission was to release Sam. He didn't know why; he was sure it had to do with the information he had forgotten. He was being watched though, so he did as ordered. As far as heaven knew, he was still a good little soldier.

He watched Sam escape then flew away. He found himself on a bridge looking into the water. He stared into it as he puzzled everything out in his mind.

Then he felt a presence behind him.

"What did you do?" 

"You shouldn't have come, Anna." Castiel replied. He was trying to warn her but as always Anna didn't listen.

She asked why he had let out Sam and he responded that they were his orders. She did not like that. She reminded him about the blood drinking, saying that it was worse than they thought.

Castiel stared at her, willing her to see his warning. He tried one more time. "You really shouldn't have come."

But the angel watch Castiel had already sent word and two angels grabbed Anna by the arms. Castiel looked on with regret as they took her away. This was never what he had wanted. He just hoped that he hadn’t made a huge mistake.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it... last chapter. I have already been working on the next part so hopefully it will be out soon. Hope you are all having a great Easter.

Castiel plucked Dean out of Bobby's house while they were arguing. Bobby had just said something about Dean being a better man than his father, which Castiel agreed with, then Castiel stole him. 

As Dean realized he was not in Bobby's house, Castiel spoke, "Hello, Dean. It's almost time."

Dean just stared at him. Then Dean started to inspect the room carefully, looking for exits. Castiel would have expected nothing less of him.

Zachariah greeted him and Dean responded with his usual humour and cultural references that Castiel did not understand. When both Castiel and Zachariah just stared at him, he moved on to asking where he was. 

Zachariah called it a green room and told him it was to keep him safe. 

Castiel could smell the unease coming off Dean. It didn’t lessen as Zachariah offered him food and women. Dean tried to act personable as he asked what the game plan was. 

"Let us worry about that." Zachariah said, codesendinly. "We want you focused, relaxed."

Dean was still smiling as he answered, "Well, I'm about to be pissed and leaving, so start talking, chuckles."

Zachariah told him that all the seals but one were broken. When Dean made a comment, Zachariah did not let the chance go by to remind Dean that he broke the first seal. He did tell Dean that the last seal needed Lilith to break it. When Dean asked more questions Zachariah kept his answers vague. Then he reminded Dean that he had sworn obedience.

Dean looked past Zachariah to Castiel. Neither said anything but they both remembered that Dean swore obedience to God… and Castiel; not any other angel.

They left and Castiel went off alone to put together the pieces of his missing memories. He was close and he knew it. The other angels weren't watching him anymore now that Dean was safely in their grasp. Just as he was almost there, Dean called him.

He rushed to the room and asked what Dean needed. All Dean wanted was to see his brother. Castiel tried to talk him out of it, even reminding Dean what had happened that last time they had met. Dean said he hadn't and that was the whole point. 

Castiel knew Dean wanted to reconcile with Sam and normally he would fully support that but right now he needed Dean somewhere safe while he figured things out.

Dean tried to appeal to him subtly, as an omega to an alpha. Castiel could feel himself weaken but reminded himself to stay strong. When Dean got tired of trying to convince Castiel and turned to just leave Castiel took away the door then left himself instead of dealing with an angry Dean.

Not long later he watched Zachariah go back to see Dean. Castiel made himself invisible to even angels, a skill he learned from Lucifer and Gabriel, and followed him in. He listened as Zachariah admitted that they wanted the apocalypse to happen. Castiel felt shock when he heard. That was the information he had forgotten. 

Zachariah continued to explain that they didn't care about the humans. When Dean asked about Sam, Zachariah was dismissive. He instead focused on Dean himself, saying he had larger concerns. Dean asked what and was told he was going to stop Lucifer. 

Castiel thought he understood. Dean was Michael's perfect vessel. Micheal in Dean's body was going to fight and kill Lucifer. And the angels didn't care what happened to Dean.

He heard Dean ask where God was in all of it? Zachariah scoffed, saying "God has left the building."

Zachariah left but Castiel continued to stay hidden, just in case. He had to come up with a plan. 

He watched Dean try to call Sam again. "You can't reach him, Dean. You're outside your coverage zone." 

Dean asked what he was going to do to Sam but Castiel said Sam was going to do it to himself.  
Dean asked why he was there.

"We've been through much together, you and I. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this."

"Sorry?" Dean suddenly punched him in the face. It didn't hurt Cas, but he saw Dean try to shake the pain out of his fist. "It's Armageddon, Cas. You need a bigger word than sorry." Dean told him.

Castiel tried to explain that it was foretold but he knew Dean saw his doubts because he jumped in saying, "Destiny, God's plan it's a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch. It's just a way for your bosses to keep me, and keep you in line."

Dean continued on telling Castiel about what was worth saving, people. Castiel countered saying that he saw nothing but pain. At least paradise would bring peace. 

Dean looked straight into his eyes and said, "You can take your peace and shove it up your lily-white ass. Because I'll take the pain and the guilt, I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise." Castiel didn't like to hear that. He didn't want to think of Dean as someone's perfect omega in paradise. He started to walk away but Dean yelled after him, "This is simple, Cas. No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here and you know it! Look at me." He grabbed Castiel’s shoulder and spun him around.

He reminded Castiel that he was going to help Dean once. And asked him to help him then. Take him to Sam

Castiel told him that if he did that they would all be hunted and killed. 

Dean didn't care. He thought it was worth the risk. 

Castiel was willing to sacrifice himself for Dean but only if he knew Dean would survive. He didn't say that though. Dean took his silence as Castiel saying no. So Dean told him that they were done. So Castiel left.

He knew there was something he was missing. A reason everyone wanted so bad to keep the brothers apart. Then he remembered and knew he was willing to risk everything to give Dean a chance to stop the angels' plans.

He flew in behind Dean, threw him against a wall and covered his mouth before he could call attention to what was happening in the room. He tried to put reassurance in his scent but Dean’s eyes still went big when Castiel pulled out a large knife. They stared into each other's eyes then Dean nodded. Castiel let him go slowly.

He used the knife on himself to get blood and painted a banishing symbol. Zachariah tried to interrupt but Castiel activated it, sending him away.

"He won't be gone long." Castiel warned Dean. "We have to find Sam now."

Dean asked where he was but Castiel didn't know. What he did know was who to ask.

"We have to stop him, Dean." Castiel said handing Dean the knife. It was the one Dean used to kill demons. "From killing Lilith."

Dean was confused. "But Lilith's gonna break the final seal."

"Lilith is the final seal. She dies, the end begins." Castiel told him. Then he wrapped Dean in his arms and flew them away.

Castiel flew them to the prophet Chuck, who seemed to be ordering prostitutes on his phone. 

Dean explained why they were there but Chuck kept saying, "This isn't supposed to happen."

Finally he just gave Dean his current manuscript.

Reading it Dean asked, "St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?"

Chuck confirmed it but added, "You guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story."

"Yeah, well, we're making it up as we go." Castiel told him. Dean looked over at him. Castiel caught the slight scent of admiration.

Then the lights started to flicker and the room shook. "It's the Archangel." Castiel told them. He looked at Dean and said, "I'll hold him off, I'll hold them all off. Just stop Sam!" He put a hand to Dean's forehead and sent him off. He also left a message of hope that Dean survived in his brain.

The light intensified and Castiel knew death was imminent. Chuck put his hand on Castiel's shoulder. When he looked over at the prophet Chuck told him, "there is another way to stop the apocalypse."

Then Castiel died.


End file.
